Authenticity

Over the years I have learnt this is the one trait I desire in all people I meet and connect with, most importantly in the leaders I am working for or with.

What is authenticity? You will hear words like trustworthy, honest, real and genuine. Or to be clear ‘not fake’. In the workplace we say ‘bring your best self to work’. I am unsure what other self we are bringing. We should turn up being us as it is exhausting to be someone else.

Connecting to our strengths is an easy way to adopt and share your authenticity.

Being clear on your values, what drives you and then living those every day.

Having the ability to lead with emotional intelligence and understand your feelings and emotions and how they can impact your reactions and decisions.

Having the courage to challenge yourself when you may not be authentic or trying to be something else for someone else. Be able to question yourself and take on those learnings.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” To be able to live authentically means you must take time to stop and reflect on the now and set your agenda on the future you.

Self awareness is an important skill to tap into. Be you in all interactions in relationships, work and in life. This can be done when you live by your values and feel fulfilled by who you are being.

It might be time to ask - ‘Are you being who you want to be?’

The Art of Communication

Mastering the art of communication seems to be dying a slow death. In the world of technology it seems people would rather text than call or email instead of walk over to someone’s desk. Our obsession with our phones, often means we are looking down versus up and forward. The shorthand version of the English language is also taking its toll, with spelling, grammar and complete sentences, not as important today.

From a business perspective employees want to be kept informed, the way a company can do this becomes very powerful to aligning with an engaged workforce. That old saying - communicate often, even when there is nothing new to say - say that. It creates trust and alignment.

It is a way to share ideas, concepts and thoughts and to be challenged by another view point. Allowing us to be curious with a growth mindset to consider new ways.

Personally communicating well is the strength of a healthy relationship. Life is never perfect and in fact learning to negotiate through conflict is a skill everyone should have. It can help you have your needs met.

Communication is not just verbal and about words - your body posture, facial expression, gestures, and the tone of voice can all impact how you communicate. Often it isn’t what has been said that can create offence it can be the way it was delivered.

A conversation is meant to be two way - remember to actively listen when you are not talking. We have two ears and one mouth - use them in that order.

Know the difference between communication and collaboration. Communication may only be about presenting information for someone to digest, collaboration is hearing the information and then working together to create something.

• Be present when someone is talking to you.

• Take notes if that is appropriate and assists you with retaining information.

• Be concise and clear.

• Decide what your message is and stay relevant to that.

• Practice different forms of communication.

It is a skill, one we need to invest in - because it creates connection, builds relationships and allows us to express ourselves.

Flow State of Mind

James Clear in his book Atomic Habits discusses what can make you lose track of time?

“Flow is the mental state when you are so focused on the task at hand that the rest of the world fades away. This blend of happiness and peak performance is what athletes and performers experience when they are in the zone. It is nearly impossible to experience a flow state and not find the task satisfying at least to some degree.”

Now consider what is your flow state?

The good news the flow state is not about sports or work only, it can be present with learning and being creative and once in the flow state time seems to pass without any notice. Once this state is achieved it can boost your focus, creativity and engagement.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who is considered the father of positive psychology first coined this term. Why did they use the word flow, Mihaly said through research and meeting with many people about this experience it was like the sensation of flowing along with a river.

According to Mihaly, there are eight key factors that contribute to flow state:

1. Clarity of goals and immediate feedback

2. Intense, focused concentration on a specific task

3. Balance between skills and challenge

4. Sense of personal control and agency over the task

5. Loss of reflective self-consciousness

6. Time distortion or altered sense of time

7. Consolidation of action and awareness

8. Autotelic experience (i.e. flow state is intrinsically rewarding)

When you read the above you realise to be in the zone - a clear goal and direction is needed, do not multitask (technically you cannot do this anyway) to stay focused and importantly reduce all other distractions. When you achieve this state it will make you feel good and that is a zone we should all be happy to be in when we can.

Do You Love What You Do?

Earlier in the week I shared research from Marcus Buckingham who is a New York Times Best Selling Author that states only 20% of people truly love the job they are in. The pleasing news was to hear many people I know, felt like they did fall into this 20% category and the jobs were all different that they held.

It did make me think about my past roles and what did I like about them. I am one of those people who would pride them self on staying in a role when it serves me and that it does genuinely get me excited to get out of bed. A role I know I can make a difference and create impact.

I am also conscious love versus like is a strong word and perhaps many really like what they do although may not love it. For some their worth is not tied up in what they do.

If you can sit back now and ask yourself a few questions, it might help guide you to the answer.

1. What did you love about work this week? Let’s be specific here and it makes it timely as it is living in the now. You should be able to quickly highlight what tasks or actions this includes. If you need to think for a long time what you enjoyed, it might be time to consider are you happy in this role.

2. When do you feel at your best? This question is quite powerful. Think about the work you do and the tasks you complete. When you tap into your emotions - what brings colour and light and empowerment and joy? What gives you a true sense of achievement and pleasure? You want those emotions to bubble up.

3. What tasks make you lose track of time? What do you get lost in? That is often a job that is providing interest and challenge and opportunity. It will bring you joy because you are fully engrossed in that activity at that time. We are obsessed by time now, so it is refreshing to sometimes completely forget about the clock.

This all flows back into the concept of control - what you control in your world and does this light the path for you to feel fulfilled and valued.

Yes, at times we have to take on a job because of circumstances although I would say the market continues to be strong so at least look for the right company or the right industry that will give you some balance if the job is not the perfect fit for right now and it is necessary for you to survive perhaps instead of thrive.

Do you love what you do?

Are You Being?

Tonight I had the pleasure of listening to Eckhart Tolle speak for two hours on the topic of living a life of Presence. As hundreds of audience members sat there silently mesmerised by his story telling.

Eckhart is widely recognised as one of the most inspiring and visionary spiritual teachers in the world today. His teachings focus on the significance and power of Presence, the awakened state of consciousness, which transcends ego and discursive thinking. Eckhart sees this awakening as the essential next step in human evolution.

The key learnings I walked away with;

• We can fall into the habit of the poor me syndrome - why is this happening to me? This clearly manifests that cycle each time.

• Time is an illusion. Letting go of the time driver can change your outlook.

• When we are unhappy and stuck in that mindset the only way we see life is through that veil.

• We need to condition the mind. Our ego will always take control. We sometimes can be actors in our own story - awaken out of the script, start living.

• The need to be alert and aware - use your senses to be present.

• Out of stillness is often when we find our way.

• If we continue to think we need or seek anything, we are not spiritually aligned or present.

• It is about being here and now and not being there and then.

• We are always doing instead of being.

This was my first live experience to hear Eckhart speak and it did not disappoint. There are so many distractions today to take our attention and he brings it back to the very basic principle of being consciously aware and present.

Practice Deliberate Calm

Reading a recent article by McKinsey & Company they discuss the topic of leaders practicing deliberate calm. The four step process they recommend I believe can be practical for everyone when dealing with a situation.

Step 1 - Pause

• Not all situations require immediate action. Stop and ask yourself if it’s you that needs to respond and, if so, how and when should you act.

Step 2 - Exhale

• When pressure hits, take two quick inhales through the nose (inhale, pause, inhale again), and then a long exhale through the mouth to calm the body.

Step 3 - Move

• In a state of stress, the body is primed to fight or flight. Instead of resting and sitting still, try movement like a brisk walk.

Step 4 - Learn

• Asking questions to ourselves or others causes us to slow down, reflect, and engage the executive functioning parts of our brain.

When you read through each step it seems logical and nearly bordering on common sense.

One of the greatest mistakes we can make is to jump right in without stopping to think about what you are about to say or do. Take that moment.

Breathing is something we do unconsciously although when done consciously it can change your perspective. Providing that mediative state to reset.

To move is a highly recommended way to to prepare the body and your mind to handle stress.

They say you need to be green and growing - always learning. Asking questions allows you to be curious and dig deeper, it provides perspective and could allow you to open your mind.

The concept of deliberate clam sets the tone to take your time, practice in a way that is thoughtful and considered.

Will you practice deliberate calm?

Image: Indie Lane Photography

Declutter Your Life

We have made it into February and I feel like I am surrounded by two types of people.

1. Those who are ready to take on 2023 and live life to the fullest.

2. Those who still seem burnt out from the past few years and less confident about getting out and about.

There is no right or wrong answer to this - you feel, how you feel. If life still seems slightly overwhelming some suggestions on how to declutter your life which may bring you peace of mind.

1. Remove toxic people from your life. We hear it so often, surround yourself with those who can build you up and not tear you down. Be considerate about who you let into your life. This can be a challenge to start to distance yourself, so do it slowly.

2. Donate what you don’t wear. This is a very cathartic experience to clean out your wardrobe and donate your clothes that you no longer want or need to a worthwhile cause. It also gives you space back in your wardrobe by simplifying the process of getting dressed each day.

3. Reconsider your routine. This one hit home for me. Does your current routine serve you and the life you want to live? You want to feel energised for the day ahead so write down your movements and activities for a week or so and gauge how you were feeling at those times. What needs to go?

4. Unsubscribe and remove. This is another process that can set you free. Realising how many emails you receive from subscriptions and memberships you have no interest in. Start unsubscribing and be grateful for the time this will add back into your day. Possibly some dollars if any are a paid membership/subscription.

5. Take the minimalistic approach. Over the past few years the topic of minimalism has been prominent, with those who chose this simplified life shouting from the rooftop that it has created the change they wanted. It will allow you the ability to prioritise what is important to you. What “stuff” fills your home although not your heart?

Now find the time to work your way through each of these actions that resonate with you the most. Life can be overwhelming although small steps can be taken to reset and decide what clutter no longer should have a place in your life.

What are you carrying with you that seems heavy? It might be time to put that down and move on.

Article concept and references from EQ Minds.

Where To Next?

More and more I find friends, family and colleagues come to me for employee relations advice. They need to talk to someone who is educated in this field and willing to offer guidance when requested.

An area I have been developing is career coaching and thinking about the benefits each person can receive by working with an expert coach in this field.

A career coach should be able to:

• Help you recognise your own value

• Help you plan your career

• Help keep you accountable

• Help you prepare for interviews

• Overall boost your success

If we break down these areas - helping someone be clear on the value they can contribute in a role is critical - each person needs to build their confidence in their strengths and then be able to sell themselves. I can appreciate that makes some people feel uncomfortable although the honest truth - this is the one time you need to make it all about you.

Planning your career is a seperate step. Providing direction to work out what you do or don’t want to do is a starting point. Today there are so many different career paths you can take and you need to truly understand where your desire sits and if you want to fuel that.

Accountability does not just sit with me - it will sit with you. Nobody else can make this happen. That old saying you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. When you are ready to embrace this step you are ready to own your career direction.

Interview preparation is a special skill. There are so many tips and tricks I can present to you having interviewed thousands of people during my working life. It can be as simple as what to wear, to what to say, to how to research a company.

My ultimate goal is for you to find success and you can be surprised how quickly that can happen once you invest the time to take charge.

Where to next?

Invest In You

It often surprises me how often people, in particular women do not take time to invest in themselves. Even today talking to a friend, she indicated how only in the past few months has she found time to go to a pilates class a few times each week, trying to manage the schedule of a husband, three children plus work was the challenge. I can appreciate everyone will have challenges to prioritise their time.

My belief is you need to schedule this time and it can relate to self care and it can also be linked to your professional development. Take time to think about how you can continue to learn and grow. For me it comes in many forms - podcasts, industry magazines, webinars, seminars and an educational book is up there high on the list.

Fitness is a critical part of my life, I believe in the healthy body and healthy mind lifestyle. I schedule this in every day. It is on the calendar and more often than not work will bump out some of my plans so prioritising this early morning often means I can get it done and not miss out. Finding the right time to fill my cup.

Time is precious and you should not feel guilty for finding time to invest in you. It is impossible to pour from an empty cup, so fill your cup and do what lights you up.

When I have the opportunity to work with my styling clients it is a similar story. It can be when they are lost they book the service. To identify who they are and how what they wear can impact how they feel. If you think about how often you can randomly buy clothing that you do not wear, the wasted money and time spent can be invested in a different way.

What would you find time for you that would fill your cup?

Do that now, time is precious, we have one life - live that.

Reflection

As you get older it seems each year goes faster than the last. This year has felt like a new normal, taking the lessons learnt from the pandemic and putting them in place.

Reflecting on the year that was - it was a treat to be able to go out again and enjoy the world around us. To accept an invitation and be present whilst there. To have the chance to visit new places, taste new foods and meet new people.

Having the ability to say no without an excuse and being comfortable in that space. Learning to be capable to enjoy the silence and time alone. To remember that not every moment needs to be productive, it is okay to just be.

Someone recently said to me I am amused by small things, instead I am delighted by everything around me. I truly enjoy the beauty you can find in the world around us - be that fireworks, fairy lights or Christmas decorations. There is always so much to see and experience.

Take the time to do what makes you happy and spend time with people who bring light into your world and make you a better person. Take the challenge to move outside of your boundaries to experience the new.

Stop to reflect on 2022 and celebrate the wins, the lessons learnt and the moments that mattered. Then take some time to think ahead - what will 2023 be for you? What opportunity can you grab hold of with both hands and make it a year to remember.